Quarantine Diaries: Kathy Griffin is walking laps in her backyard and writing jokes about Jared Kushner
Hannah Yasharoff USA TODAYGoing stir-crazy in quarantine? You’re not alone. Celebrities are cooped up in their homes across the country just like the rest of us. As we collectively navigate this uncharted territory, USA TODAY presents Quarantine Diaries, which give readers a peek into how our favorite stars are spending their time at home.
Today's diarist is comedian Kathy Griffin, who made a cameo in Netflix's "You" in January and released her documentary, "Kathy Griffin: A Hell of a Story," last summer about the aftermath of her infamous Donald Trump photo scandal. Griffin, 59, made headlines in March after her trip to the emergency room, during which she was unable to get a coronavirus test despite "unbearably painful symptoms." She has since recovered and recently tested negative.
Griffin stirred up fresh controversy Tuesday, tweeting that Trump should be injected with a "syringe with nothing but air inside it," which can be lethal. She has since shared her feelings following the death of George Floyd.
Here's what a day of Griffin's quarantine is like in California, where she's quarantining with husband Randy Bick, two employees and the couple's four dogs: Olivia Benson, Elliot Stabler, and new puppies Maggie and Mary (named after her mother, Maggie Mary Griffin, who died in March at 99). – As told to Hannah Yasharoff
4 a.m. My husband and I are getting up about twice in the night with the dogs. They're not 100% potty trained so we still get up to take them out. But the dogs have been really helpful and therapeutic. I want to encourage people to foster, even for just a few months. It's going to help you maybe more than the animal.
9:30 a.m. When I wake up for real, Business Lady Kathy is always working, through COVID or not. This morning I had a conference call with two of my lawyers and my CPA. I'm super hands-on with my finances. In this era, I'm kind of going through and saying "Do I really need this? Can I stop doing this?"
10 a.m. I make an old-school smoothie – not from the box or anything. It's just fresh blueberries, bananas, peanut butter, Yakult, strawberries. Sometimes we'll throw greens in there.
On keeping in touch with friends: Sia and I make these one-minute videos for each other almost every day and we send them to each other. Some of them are "How are you feeling today?" and some are just silly.
On how her Trump scandal prepared her for quarantine: I kind of feel like I lost my old life twice. It's almost three years ago to the day of the Trump photo, when a big part of my "old" life ended with friends and work opportunities. And now with COVID, everybody is dealing with, "Oh gosh, I actually kind of had an old life, this is a sort of purgatory." Hopefully we get over the edge to something better.
Lunch: I will admit, we have nothing close to a meal schedule around here. People kind of grab their own thing when they feel like it. But if we sit together, we actually try to eat six feet apart.
I have a new diet plan that I am not recommending. You know how a lot of people diet and they go six days on, and one cheat day? I have decided, based on no data, that I'm going to do day on/day off. So one day, it's a green drink, it's a vegan meal. Then the next day I might eat an entire cake. But the point is I'm going to get back to the green drink the next day.
On writing political jokes right now: Every day, there's obviously a deluge of scary news, but then there's also one (headline) where I'm like, "I can spin that." A crazy press conference with Jared Kushner, for example. I don't want people to think I'm anti-America – I love America. Let the newsmakers say he's not qualified to have that job. But what I can say is that every time he walks out on camera, he honestly looks like he just left a spa. He looks like he gets five facials a day. For me, this is probably the build-up to my next stand-up special.
On finding ways to help: Taking action is something that I love to do. My assistant did a great job of tracking down a catering company that has experience bringing meals to hospitals. I was proud of being able to help there. I sent pizzas to urgent care – I had my assistant say they could have anything they wanted to eat, and they were like, "pizzas." I try to share feel-good things on social media and then make fun of myself in some way.
On staying active: I am fortunate enough to have a large backyard and I'm still too scared to even go out on my street in a mask to walk around. I put on my iPod and I have the corniest music – my friends always tease me about it. They're like, "Did your 14-year-old niece make this for you?" It's Backstreet Boys, Celine Dion, Josh Groban, Lady Gaga, Liza Minnelli. So there's a big square in my yard and I walk around it for an hour.
7:30 p.m. I can't boil water, I must confess. We have a lot of discussions about if it's safe to do curbside pickup. Let's say we want a pizza. I say only restaurants that are willing to come out and put the food in the trunk of the car. That's how risk-averse I'm trying to be.
What I'm watching: "90 Day Fiance." And I have never in my life watched more "Dateline" and "Snapped." This quarantine has turned me into someone who loves everything "As Seen on TV." You know those commercials? I thought I wasn't going to be buying these things until I was 90, but I'm super excited about my grabber.
10 p.m. One member of our little quarantine team made homemade chocolate marshmallow banana bread. And then he made homemade hot fudge. So I have to report a crime: I think someone intruded into my home last night and accidentally put together, in a really large bowl, a microwaved large slice of that banana bread, quite a bit of vanilla ice cream – you know burglars, they take everything – and then this burglar also took the time to heat the hot fudge and put that on top of everything. In the old world, I might have done that once or twice a month, but like everyone, now I have days where I'm like, "Everything's going to be great!" and other days where I'm like, "Screw it, let's have some hot fudge."
11 p.m. We'll try to go to bed early, which for me is around 11, but sometimes we'll just stay up if we're really engrossed in a show. We just got through Season 2 of "The Crown," and it's one of those things where you're like, "Want to watch one more?"
How I'm feeling: I hope people take this much more seriously. I'm very frightened by the misinformation. This is an opportunity for some of us to undo some of our mistakes. I don't think my Trump photo was a mistake and I'm actually quite proud of it, but I'm hoping this will get us out of some of our bubbles.
I do have a little optimism that after all this, we might be a little more mindful and thoughtful. I, of course, will still be spouting vulgarity and things like that. But only if you're laughing.
Read more quarantine diaries:
- Alton Brown
- Derek Hough
- Peter Gallagher
- Henry Winkler
- Jimmy Fallon
- Naomi Campbell
- Madeleine Albright
- Lindsey Vonn
- Deepak Chopra
- Jameela Jamil
- LeAnn Rimes
- Hasan Minhaj
- Bobby Berk
- Tory Lanez
- Kyra Sedgwick
Via PakapNews